tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61125960151385418492024-03-14T05:32:11.644-07:00an open mess [that's queer]Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-25414858105350613302011-09-19T23:18:00.000-07:002011-09-19T23:18:25.126-07:00revisionsnew love<br />
it's always<br />
a little more than half a moon<br />
whenever<br />
i look at you<br />
it's like<br />
disturbing<br />
you disrupt everything<br />
that's meant anything <br />
to me<br />
the world is not round<br />
love does not equal marriage<br />
or babies<br />
what is a baby<br />
pageant shoes<br />
and misery<br />
and longing<br />
and death<br />
do us part<br />
what is my part?<br />
what are you playing<br />
the saxaphone<br />
would rape me<br />
my ears<br />
and my longing<br />
i might do you<br />
right<br />
spend the rest of my life<br />
with you<br />
motherfucker<br />
i'm at a loss<br />
for logic<br />
is nothing<br />
just love<br />
and lust<br />
is a symbol<br />
take this token<br />
as mine<br />
my own<br />
truth.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-61084051828757767352011-05-12T09:44:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:27:15.844-07:00the thing about spaceI've been tackling space<br />
fighting with silence<br />
bleeding between worlds<br />
lamp posts and cigarette butts<br />
the woman upstairs is loud<br />
and it doesn't sound good<br />
he tells me I am safe here<br />
but I'm scared<br />
<br />
I worry often times my body -<br />
becomes invisible<br />
I play with words like my pronouns<br />
don't matter<br />
but they are intangible to my latest sexual partner<br />
he retreats and corrects the way he's expected to treat me<br />
so my body is seen in the ways he's respected<br />
<br />
the pieces melt into blurry memories of<br />
what's true<br />
often times I get confused<br />
how do I fit here<br />
and then I remember<br />
I do not fit easily into your visions for me<br />
I do not scramble to fulfill your fantasy<br />
I will not be humbled by your ignorance of me<br />
<br />
I slip easily into word play<br />
I shift quickly to avoid no boundary<br />
but i will keep you here, way up here<br />
and I won't hold you but remain<br />
shapeless<br />
in the comfort of my own<br />
missing, ambiguous, non conforming<br />
boundless yet bound, changing identityUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-55815552831603050782011-04-21T00:32:00.000-07:002011-04-21T00:32:51.508-07:00lingersi hate when you're not here<br />
that i am here alone<br />
and my comforters, covers<br />
blankets and sheets<br />
get entangled as i wrestle<br />
with the thoughts in my mind<br />
where is he?<br />
when he's here,<br />
where's my lover?<br />
and how did i get here<br />
and why do i know you<br />
this way<br />
deeper than thread, cover<br />
over cover<br />
upon layers of spread<br />
out with the emotions<br />
and getting it in<br />
then seeing each other<br />
at the best of our best<br />
in the low of each game<br />
but i know you<br />
i think i believe <br />
you see me<br />
and you've taken me<br />
out on a distant shore<br />
when the rivers, as the currents<br />
run quickly to retrieve<br />
my heart soars and aches to be<br />
within reach with youUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-19615894595430165552011-02-22T16:04:00.001-08:002011-02-22T16:04:46.082-08:00speak glimmers of changeI've been thinking a lot about anger<br />
about how angry I am<br />
How I was maybe<br />
born into this<br />
<br />
I watch my mother sometimes<br />
she is beautiful<br />
in every light<br />
but she is nervous<br />
and does not always use her voice<br />
<br />
My father speaks over me a lot<br />
I am constantly defeated<br />
by my own silence<br />
With these two initiatives<br />
I try to reconcile<br />
talking in between<br />
and not speaking at all<br />
<br />
The past,<br />
the future<br />
of me<br />
Is a constant battle<br />
a struggle, towards acceptance<br />
I am working<br />
to be visible<br />
And to approve of myself<br />
As easily seen<br />
As unnoticed<br />
in shadows of the same light<br />
of a different timeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-75979346931276651832011-02-13T19:43:00.000-08:002011-02-13T19:43:16.625-08:00tonightthe moon is bleeding out<br />
it is<br />
you say<br />
and i wonder,<br />
when, how, why<br />
won't you look at me<br />
that way<br />
<br />
with disbelief and wonder<br />
and a stronger desire<br />
to understand and achieve<br />
some great love <br />
and another powerUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-19422208859782985062011-01-30T21:26:00.000-08:002011-01-30T21:26:06.290-08:00refusal of the fittesti refuse to write about you<br />
poems that are telling of romance<br />
of plans for the future<br />
that tell one, like they tell me<br />
"you are too far ahead, in your mind,<br />
you are thinking, too far in advance,"<br />
and this is true, my friend<br />
he tells me and reminds me<br />
you should go, go see him<br />
he likes you, i think<br />
i know he is right but i am scared shitless<br />
to begin, again<br />
if this poem is not about you<br />
i can't lose right? i only win<br />
so i won't write you in lines <br />
or create stories about our future<br />
how it could be, it is<br />
because it is not a big deal, <br />
it is just a thing<br />
i like, a lot, right now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-27913601081160779742011-01-30T21:22:00.001-08:002011-01-30T21:22:57.177-08:00the past remainsi wrote a lot of poems that year<br />
i cried a lot<br />
i think i was more in love with ideas<br />
or words, the thoughts that kept you here<br />
in silence, like ghosts<br />
when the truth was, really<br />
you are not here, you were never mine<br />
one can never be owned by someone else<br />
but still, i find myself sitting here, hoping<br />
wishing that someone, anyone, will call me "mine"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-52033042944891790932011-01-30T21:18:00.000-08:002011-01-30T21:18:26.061-08:00the hopefuli was once<br />
all black holes and sunsets<br />
and now i'm all<br />
this is what i need, not what i want<br />
some days the sun rises nearer<br />
on east side of my cloudy apartment window<br />
i look out and i wonder<br />
how the hell did i get here?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-27348944152679870552011-01-18T20:37:00.000-08:002011-01-18T20:37:29.434-08:00it creeps in <br />
seeping through cracked <br />
twice painted over ceilings<br />
and door frames<br />
forget it<br />
don't you<br />
remember, the laughter will rescue you<br />
will save you<br />
and i will be there<br />
crawling beneath <br />
inching towards you<br />
uncovering the blankets<br />
they surround you<br />
as you shiver<br />
i plea bargain<br />
you<br />
wake around this shivering space<br />
clatters like any other heartbeat<br />
fallen<br />
inconsistent.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-43469414235594132262011-01-16T23:38:00.000-08:002011-01-16T23:38:07.398-08:00demonghostI was given a nickname, I was ten. <br />
It seems that with each inch forward<br />
that i take my demon reappears<br />
i was given a name once<br />
that i used to deny history<br />
appropriate the short hand<br />
term for "i don't speak your language."<br />
but privilege <br />
reprimands me<br />
my gut, my bowl, my body<br />
my poor, deep, shallow <br />
well of silence<br />
come back to us<br />
i whisper enough<br />
i can choose not to be<br />
caught in the ropes and chains<br />
the barriers of cultures and society's differences<br />
yes, you are the one that's caught me here<br />
alone in voice<br />
all caught in throat<br />
so throw me, far as the ends will meet me<br />
and catch me, fly heavy my body, my cell<br />
my block in the ocean, remains a rock version<br />
of my heart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-89338192711011032912010-12-26T16:04:00.001-08:002010-12-26T16:04:51.489-08:00cupidI write the way life seems: each moment changes each moment's passed. and each tragic, quite romantic, delivery, death.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-36812818846573985542010-12-08T20:57:00.000-08:002010-12-08T20:57:06.915-08:00when i was theni used to think i could fall in love with the world<br />
simultaneously, <br />
become addicted to cigarettes<br />
and fall in love on a smoke break<br />
at the same time<br />
i no longer believe these things<br />
though actions, i take, <br />
sometimes lead one to believe<br />
otherwiseUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-30577944463094800212010-11-16T20:25:00.000-08:002010-11-16T20:25:08.920-08:00you're an oldy but a goodyyou don't know how to call me <br />
nowadays, i can't relate anymore<br />
i hope to god you won't notice, i'm changed <br />
i hope also for you not to care<br />
to show any kind of emotion<br />
you pray on your life that i'm not damaged<br />
to prove anything more than you're not<br />
but it's so far happened<br />
i stumbled, i'm there <br />
still, i love youUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-26251065957565175372010-11-09T23:22:00.001-08:002010-11-09T23:23:05.004-08:00blank, slatecooling off fumes and simmering down like fireUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-73615058162535980402010-11-07T21:55:00.001-08:002010-11-16T20:28:59.441-08:00skeleton bonesi always thought of you as little creatures<br />
like skeleton, like bones<br />
of a cockroach<br />
and flew away my memories<br />
to leave me there<br />
and think about the moon<br />
and how i fell in love with you<br />
how everything one day<br />
would never be<br />
what it's become<br />
and how still i love you<br />
how i miss the middle of the night<br />
and lying there<br />
awake <br />
to think about the bigger things<br />
i always knew<br />
and would hold back<br />
the bigger things i think<br />
i will forgive,<br />
you are, i am<br />
my biggest fearUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-30482094334378979942010-10-21T21:57:00.000-07:002010-10-21T21:57:27.265-07:00betweenwe were both malnourished<br />
but there was a lot of love between us<br />
so in the middle of the night<br />
when we were freezing <br />
because it's cold outside and mostly<br />
because we learned to rely heavily on<br />
each others body heat<br />
to warm us<br />
and our smiles to linger<br />
on the thought that the heart<br />
might be broken<br />
but falling ever so closely<br />
together<br />
almost as to repair<br />
blood pumping<br />
thick as courage<br />
good as newUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-77307281766202624572010-10-21T21:53:00.001-07:002010-10-21T21:53:49.298-07:00now's out of reachshe<br />
cracks like a whip and<br />
stings like pinwheel<br />
he <br />
sounds familiar but<br />
my voice is too deep<br />
high pitch, long stretch<br />
far<br />
to reach <br />
they <br />
gather, individuals<br />
pit patter on lone<br />
some roof tops<br />
screech like car tires<br />
coming to a halt<br />
that else no one would hear<br />
on gravel<br />
dirt roads<br />
those are the ones i chose here<br />
just to see<br />
different colors of my gender<br />
on any given dayUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-21336045264307056892010-10-15T01:56:00.000-07:002010-10-15T01:56:07.003-07:00it took foreverIt felt like forever<br />
Before we found our bodies combine<br />
It took forever to learn our bodies<br />
could rhyme<br />
And then we kissed<br />
The magic was there<br />
And wine and bombs<br />
And worlds<br />
CollideUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-87621006016304587552010-10-14T17:25:00.000-07:002010-10-14T17:25:48.325-07:00i knowwe've said our bodies fit together so neatly that<br />
i don't want to disturb that<br />
but i know<br />
when i sleep next to her<br />
i don't<br />
with you i fall sullenly asleep <br />
like, i'm too tired to care<br />
with him i grit my teeth and blink<br />
i think<br />
to myself, is this real?<br />
i wish i could kiss him<br />
i remember the scent and sight<br />
and the shapes of a figure so familiar<br />
that's real<br />
we're fake, we fake this love affair like it's golden<br />
like it's ages<br />
ages ago that we were still child-like<br />
you are child, in a 38 year old mans body<br />
and i am more child in years than you are<br />
but still, got a grip, take control<br />
i have to, put the brakes on you<br />
in order to rev the engine up<br />
and lead me home to him<br />
in those arms, that i don't sleep<br />
i want to belongUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-61362968000739942062010-10-08T08:51:00.000-07:002010-10-08T08:51:35.833-07:00i get some sort of sick pleasure<br />
from seeing you<br />
saying "it's ok now,"<br />
with my eyes<br />
i can follow any one direction<br />
snake lips split my mind from my body<br />
and heart<br />
<br />
before everything was single packaging<br />
and romances went from monogamous<br />
to open<br />
there was real love, the kind you sign<br />
your life over for<br />
but i'm not sure anymore<br />
what i want<br />
isn't captured in a picture<br />
of your modern family<br />
but idealized in queer notions<br />
you know, like the "weird" ones<br />
that stuck out like a sore thumb<br />
even 13 decades ago.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-39176342924693610842010-09-20T21:17:00.000-07:002010-09-20T21:17:40.956-07:00mills around the pondi want you to know that i'm thinking of you<br />
and i miss you<br />
at night i lie awake <br />
i think about you all the time<br />
when i dare to dream<br />
i wish i hadn't brought you back<br />
instead<br />
i fantasize the phantom albums of our photo books<br />
and i still imagine i would kiss you<br />
and breathe upon a southern glow<br />
<br />
you have<br />
captured me in the slightest of my movements<br />
we shared something so common<br />
so close<br />
i could but feel you<br />
i did but do you like that<br />
did not matter<br />
between moments of each breath<br />
i felt you rub upon me<br />
share my bed with me<br />
and close to but kill me <br />
like a last death<br />
it was youUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-72364645452784816502010-08-26T19:26:00.000-07:002010-08-26T19:26:12.055-07:00insteadIt's all about the sounds<br />
the spaces<br />
The ways we dwell and think<br />
Mind races<br />
It's not about us<br />
each, <br />
individual tries to trade places<br />
nor is it about whether we walk<br />
with or without<br />
reason<br />
we walk a way<br />
we learn to doubtUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-77413279306080357702010-08-26T19:23:00.001-07:002010-08-26T19:23:11.842-07:00untitled tileI love my poems<br />
myself<br />
my ink<br />
My life is yours, you<br />
like to think<br />
My arms so weak or strong, me<br />
meek?<br />
How Mics and her<br />
intuition, let's tweak<br />
that<br />
Mad<br />
instead, I rage, with treason beyond<br />
thou doubt me without<br />
how dare ye reasonUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-20599575363720375942010-08-26T19:20:00.001-07:002010-08-26T19:20:29.006-07:002all the trees reach til<br />
each leaf drops, it's death<br />
do us part<br />
blood reigns not one<br />
hot pink as hers<br />
lips quivered<br />
I grew steady<br />
held strongUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6112596015138541849.post-53482401825135311522010-08-26T19:18:00.001-07:002010-08-26T19:18:14.344-07:00Poem 1I love<br />
said the boi with the whistle <br />
in bed<br />
and lay still said the girl with the rattle<br />
and read:<br />
we cry, held the pussy<br />
willow instead.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0