Clouds, zero guilt, face down to the ground

I am relearning my body. I am visualizing the days spent agonizing in shallow clouds that surrendered to my lower half and creeped in on me. My feet stay grounded despite thick of it, crawling the negative space and I am itching at my bare skin. Across the bed sheets my entire body lingers still in awe of you and, what trust you have recovered from me.  Despair covers me all over this, I fear not anything that bends back and outside of this, I am layers thick and a full figured body fit to fill your mold. I stray far from familiarities of my past identities and sit back in me, in your parlor for the in between. I won't leave.

I play a rendition of the Old Crow Medicine Show's "Wagon Wheel," feeling my heavy weigh in on the mattress, palms sweep the rear of the bedframe and I am listening. "Ain't goin back, living that old life no more." It is true. Once the experience was had I hadn't thought of not going back, and now I know old there is no return trip ticket for me. I am loving your influence and for the first time I find what love means for me. And I love this - I hesitate to say it but I love you.

Inside your many walls, beside you several histories, our multiple selves come crashing in the form of looming fairytales, fantasies, and fancy reminiscing.  I tell panicked stories out of nerve but I know better than to talk myself out of this. You steal the poison, kiss old wounds, rid my body of the mind wretched toxic influence - with sex they've created love of rotten illusion and with you I've remastered sensation for all that's worth. You look and I see you see me, I trust you so much so I go there and I make promise to myself in whispers throughout tonight that I will go there with you always, I am excited.

I am nervous as we strap the final dressings to this genderbendered of a body, your creation for me. You take what I'm given and come screaming out for the fucks of me. I am in awe of you boy - all I never dreamed I'd meet and everything forgiven. Shhh, secrets not and lust and luck and love never taken aback, nor taken for-granted.