between

we were both malnourished
but there was a lot of love between us
so in the middle of the night
when we were freezing
because it's cold outside and mostly
because we learned to rely heavily on
each others body heat
to warm us
and our smiles to linger
on the thought that the heart
might be broken
but falling ever so closely
together
almost as to repair
blood pumping
thick as courage
good as new

now's out of reach

she
cracks like a whip and
stings like pinwheel
he
sounds familiar but
my voice is too deep
high pitch, long stretch
far
to reach
they
gather, individuals
pit patter on lone
some roof tops
screech like car tires
coming to a halt
that else no one would hear
on gravel
dirt roads
those are the ones i chose here
just to see
different colors of my gender
on any given day

it took forever

It felt like forever
Before we found our bodies combine
It took forever to learn our bodies
could rhyme
And then we kissed
The magic was there
And wine and bombs
And worlds
Collide

i know

we've said our bodies fit together so neatly that
i don't want to disturb that
but i know
when i sleep next to her
i don't
with you i fall sullenly asleep
like, i'm too tired to care
with him i grit my teeth and blink
i think
to myself, is this real?
i wish i could kiss him
i remember the scent and sight
and the shapes of a figure so familiar
that's real
we're fake, we fake this love affair like it's golden
like it's ages
ages ago that we were still child-like
you are child, in a 38 year old mans body
and i am more child in years than you are
but still, got a grip, take control
i have to, put the brakes on you
in order to rev the engine up
and lead me home to him
in those arms, that i don't sleep
i want to belong

i get some sort of sick pleasure
from seeing you
saying "it's ok now,"
with my eyes
i can follow any one direction
snake lips split my mind from my body
and heart

before everything was single packaging
and romances went from monogamous
to open
there was real love, the kind you sign
your life over for
but i'm not sure anymore
what i want
isn't captured in a picture
of your modern family
but idealized in queer notions
you know, like the "weird" ones
that stuck out like a sore thumb
even 13 decades ago.