i know

we've said our bodies fit together so neatly that
i don't want to disturb that
but i know
when i sleep next to her
i don't
with you i fall sullenly asleep
like, i'm too tired to care
with him i grit my teeth and blink
i think
to myself, is this real?
i wish i could kiss him
i remember the scent and sight
and the shapes of a figure so familiar
that's real
we're fake, we fake this love affair like it's golden
like it's ages
ages ago that we were still child-like
you are child, in a 38 year old mans body
and i am more child in years than you are
but still, got a grip, take control
i have to, put the brakes on you
in order to rev the engine up
and lead me home to him
in those arms, that i don't sleep
i want to belong